Evening Hosts Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Immigration Scheme

Television's top entertainers used their broadcast criticizing former President Donald Trump's recently unveiled immigration initiative, dubbed the "gold card," characterizing it as a blatant pay-for-access scheme for the rich.

Colbert's Witty Analysis

Opening his program, Stephen Colbert presented a mock Christmas jingle about the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "The President ... spoils all he handles."

Colbert's target was the controversial program which allows overseas nationals to purchase U.S. legal status for a sum of a million dollars, or "top-tier" option for 5 million. A government website promises approval "faster than ever."

"A brief message here to rich immigrants: prior to you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the scheme is also designed to "extract cash" from businesses looking to hire skilled workers, requiring large fees. "That's a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you also get two free nights at a property of your choosing – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"The most thorough screening the U.S. government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these individuals absolutely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will allow rich foreigners to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the form, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Issues

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging approval numbers amid economic concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he said.

This week, in a attempt to address prices, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a array of food items, where he reacted oddly to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by mocking conservative media arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.